Men Suck
by OracleDru
Summary: Sam's upset, takes Vala out for a few drinks. Ranting ensues. Rated M for language and some sexual references. femslash


Men Suck

Disclaimer: Do not own characters, blah, blah, used for fanfic purposes, will return.

If there was one bar in Colorado Springs Lt. Colonel Samantha Carter would have considered her "usual haunt", it was the one where she currently sat, downing her sixth shot of tequila and reaching for her seventh . . . or maybe it was her eighth, she'd lost count. And she wasn't alone in this somewhat rustic, hole in the wall place only a few blocks from the secluded, classified Air Force base where she worked. In fact, this outing had been the idea of the woman who sat beside her, easily downing as much alcohol as she was, but seemingly not feeling the same effects. Vala Maldoran shrugged and passed it off as alien physiology, her long, dark hair free of its usual pigtails and flowing freely down her back, attracting the attention of two of the rough looking men playing pool a few feet behind the women.

Slamming down her eighth – ninth? – glass, she hit the bar table, a universal sign that she was ready for another. The balding bartender raised an eyebrow, but only grunted as he leaned over and poured another shot despite what seemed to be his better judgment. She cut her eyes and snatched the glass away, tipping her head back as the cold liquid poured comfortingly down her throat. Vala watched with interest as she sipped her own, apparently slowing her own pace as she watched the woman beside her. "Seriously, Sam," she commented between sips, "When are you going to tell me what's bothering you?"

"Seriously, Vala," Sam answered, shooting her companion a hard look, trying to scare the woman into silence, even though she knew that was virtually impossible. "When are you going to stop asking?"

Breaking into one of her classic broad grins, she leaned over and whispered, her lips dangerously close to her drunk friend's ears, "I'll stop asking when you start giving, _Samantha_." Her tongue drew out Sam's given name in that sexy Australian-like drawl, giving Sam chills despite herself.

The tall blonde quickly placed her last shot glass back onto the bar, throwing the universal kill sign at the bartender, a quick dash of her hand across her throat before she took a deep breath and turned back to Vala. "So you really want to know?"

"Would I be asking so much if I didn't?" The brunette replied, somehow having found a cherry and began sucking on it without Sam noticing.

Sam blinked and turned toward the skeevy looking men behind them, trying to focus on anything other than the woman beside her. One of them noticed her attentions and lifted his eyebrows a few times in her direction, which caused her to grimace and swivel around to the bar once again. "Men suck," she whined through her now cloudy thoughts, the alcohol feeding her ever growing rage. The bartender glared at her, a bottle of vodka poised cautiously in his hand while the other actually found its way to his hip. "Not you," Sam backtracked, trying to throw some water on the flames she'd unknowingly ignited. "You bring the drinks, you can't be bad," she added somewhat sweetly, throwing a lopsided smile in his direction.

Vala giggled and snaked an arm around her friend's shoulders, using it to physically steer Sam back to the conversation. "Why do men suck, deary?"

"Because they string you along for a year and a half and then walk out on you when you actually try to have a conversation!" Sam shouted, slurring her words slightly as her arms swung around as if to emphasize her point, causing Vala to duck out of the way as one flew over her head.

"Okay . . ." Vala replied, this time her hand sneaking toward Sam's jeans, a pair of blue eyes wide and following the hand with only mild surprise. If nothing else, the brilliant woman knew the reputation of the woman she had willingly brought off-base this evening, on her motorcycle no less. But Sam was always professional to a fault, she'd have to admit, and she hadn't expected anything other than alcohol and some friendly conversation. Although her drunken mind didn't seem to agree with that assessment, she pushed away any suggestive thoughts that had snuck into her head.

Disappointment washed over the astrophysicist when her alien friend's hand slipped its way into her pocket and extracted her cell. "Vala!" she protested, reaching for the small, thin object, her own smile beginning to rival the woman beside her who was still grasping the phone just out of reach.

Vala shook her head back and forth, her crazy hair flying in all directions as she managed to slide backward off her stool and catch Sam as she fell forward onto the equally as tall woman. Her cheeks burning, Sam placed her hands on Vala's shoulders and pulled herself into a proper standing position, trying to forget that her face had not so conveniently landed on the other woman's chest. She could even feel Vala's giggles as she tried to step away as quickly as possible and nearly slipped due to her now unsteady balance, her cheeks bright red, contrasting darkly with the silken blonde of her hair.

"No, no, Sammy," Vala teased with a lilt in her voice, as if she were completely composed and enjoying her hold on the situation, if it weren't for the slight slur – and the fact that she addressed her friend so informally. "I'm calling Daniel to come pick us up," she told Sam in somewhat firm tone as she flipped open the phone and began punching in the numbers she had apparently memorized at an earlier time.

Sam's eyes grew very wide and round as she made a grab for the phone again. "Why would you do that?" she asked, steadying herself on the bar when the other woman made it obvious there was no releasing the phone from her grasp.

The phone up to her ear, the raven haired woman made a face and replied in a whisper, her hand over the receiver as she listened to what Sam assumed was the ringing in her ear, "Because you are in no state to drive, and I can't possibly drive that contraption of yours."

"It's called a motorcycle," Sam muttered as she resigned herself to wait and sank back down onto her bar stool, nearly missing and hanging onto the bar for dear life as she resituated herself.

In the few minutes it had taken Sam to sit herself back down onto the stool, Vala had successfully obtained a ride for them with her favorite anthropologist and sat down next to the depressed woman she'd arrived with. "He'll be here soon," Vala informed Sam matter-of-factly as she pressed the phone into the palm of the drunk woman's hand. "While we wait, why don't you continue telling me about why you hate men so much? Who crossed you?"

"Pfft," the blonde replied, lowering her head onto her hands that were joined on the bar and looking up at the woman beside her. "Of course you'd be the only one who wouldn't know."

"Well, then, enlighten me," Vala urged her further, laying a soft hand on her shoulder.

Letting out a strangled groan, Sam closed her eyes and kicked at the bar irately. "Stupid man!" she muttered forcefully into her fingers, keeping her eyes glued shut. "I even went fishing with him! After all these years, I finally did it, and then he never asks me to go again!"

Smiling a little to herself, Vala leaned over and brushed a few strands of hair away from her friend's face, leaning her own head onto the bar next to Sam's. "It's that general, isn't it? I could sense some sparks between the two of you, and he did mention fishing . . ."

"Jack's an ass," Sam spat angrily, finally allowing her eyes to slide open, connecting with a pair of equally blue ones much closer than she had expected. But in her drunken state she couldn't even pretend to care. Nor would she usually talk about anyone, much less a superior officer, in the manner she had, but the alcohol helped with the indifference there as well. "A year and a half. That's how long it's been since we went fishing. How long since we said we fucking loved other – and the first and last time we had sex. So tell me, Vala," she continued, her irate ranting growing louder with each syllable, "What the _fuck_ is so good about men?"

Vala shook her head, her hand now running its way comfortingly through Sam's erratic hair, trying to diffuse the situation as best she could. "What did he say to you today when you saw him?"

"Nothing," the depressed woman whispered, burrowing her face into the palms of her hands. "I told him to make a decision, and he didn't say anything. He walked away. He fucking walked away from me, from us, from whatever this has been for the past fucking six years. Well, I suppose five, since the last one he's barely given me a second glance."

Just then, there was a familiar voice behind them, beckoning them to his car, and a quiet drive back to Sam's house, effectively putting an end to the conversation for the moment. Vala, being very un-Vala-like, compassionately helped Sam to the car and placed her in the back seat before slipping in beside her. Sam's head lulled against Vala's shoulder as their driver shot his two friends a curious glance before he too stepped into the car. The woman he'd known longer failed to notice his curiosity, choosing instead to focus on the strange, but pleasant, scent of the woman she was now leaning against.

The drive was all too short for the half asleep woman in the back seat, by this time her head resting on the other woman's breast as Vala continued to run her fingers through her short blonde locks of disheveled hair. When Daniel announced their arrival, his teammate felt as if she wanted to spring up from her position and smack him across the face, but she was far too exhausted to attempt such a feat, so she mutely followed Vala out of the car, still tucked securely in the brunette's arms.

They paused only at the driver side window, which Daniel had rolled down to have a word with the alien he had helped become a part of the SGC. "You'll take care of her?" he whispered, concerned for the well being of their mutual friend, having only seen her this far gone once before in the ten years they'd known each other.

Vala nodded and her arms tightened around the inebriated woman as she began to slip toward the lawn. Sam's eyes flashed open, only to return to half mast when she discovered she was still within the safety of her friend's grip. "I've got this, Daniel. Go home, get some rest. And thanks for the ride," Vala waved off the man with a flip of her wrist and began digging on Sam's pocket for her house keys. Daniel nodded in return and backed out of his friend's driveway, sending one last wave toward the women before taking off in the direction of his apartment.

After successfully retrieving the keys and managing to get them both inside the house, Vala found the bedroom and laid Sam gently onto her bed. The blonde watched her closely as she began to remove first the shoes, then her shirt. Sam stopped her and pushed her away with the least amount of force she could muster. "I'm drunk, Vala, not an invalid. I can take off my own damn clothes."

"All right," the alien responded, sinking into a sitting position on the bed next to her friend and brushing some hair away from Sam's face. "If it helps, I don't know why General O'Neill wouldn't want to get in your pants. You are a very attractive woman."

Sam froze at the button of her jeans, her gaze settling uneasily on the woman beside her, not quite sure how to respond to such a statement. Finally, the haze that engulfed her brain decided for her, and she began to giggle uncontrollably. "It's not just about the sex, Vala," she managed to get out between gasps for air. "I'm in love with him," she confessed softly, the giggling all at once ceasing. Her eyes shifted to the bathroom door as she sighed openly and leaned sideways onto the headboard. "Or at least I thought I was," she added, a regretful tone lacing her voice.

Vala nodded, inching closer to the depressed woman beside her and laying a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Yeah, I know what it's like to love a man who doesn't love you back," she admitted, her face one of utter seriousness.

Maneuvering so that she could see her friend and still have her weight resting on her headboard, Sam searched Vala's face for a moment before asking quietly, "Daniel?"

Nodding again, Vala sighed herself and averted her gaze to the bedside table. "I know, it's blatantly obvious, isn't it?"

"Blatantly obvious you want to get in his pants, not that you're in love with him," Sam replied quickly, her self control obviously impaired by the immense number of drinks she'd had that night. She clapped a hand over her mouth and shook her head, a little embarrassed at what she'd just said. "Sorry," she whispered, removing the hand and seeking out her friend's with it. "I didn't mean for it to come out like that."

"No, you're right," Vala replied, shaking her own head. "It's how I deal with my feelings, by making them seem not so serious."

"Well, if it helps, Daniel's crazy not to want to get in your pants. You're a very attractive woman yourself," she complimented, adding one of her own broad grins to top off the effect.

The almost sober woman studied the woman's face beside her, trying to ascertain whether she was serious or just trying to lighten the moment. After a few minutes of silence, she dropped her gaze to their now intertwined hands, Sam's fingers stroking hers lightly. Vala took in a deep breath and inched closer to her friend, bringing up her free hand to caress Sam's cheek tenderly. Sam closed her cloudy eyes and leaned into the touch automatically, her impulse control utterly gone by this time. It was all the encouragement Vala needed.

Leaning over, the beautiful alien pressed her lips tenderly to her friend's, although a bit hesitantly as if she was testing the waters before she dove in head first. Sam moaned against the sudden touch and brought her own free hand up to the back of Vala's head, pulling her closer and deepening the kiss. Somewhere in the back of Sam's head, a twinge of reason fired, but she ignored it and instead ran her tongue along Vala's lips, silently begging entrance. She consented, opening her lips, using her own tongue to stroke Sam's invitingly inside her mouth. Sam groaned, detaching her other hand from Vala's and tangling it in the long, soft threads of the dark hair cascading down Vala's back.

Smiling against the other woman's lips, Sam let out another giggle and swiftly flipped Vala onto her back, tugging at the black tank top and slipping her hand underneath. She came in contact with warm, pale skin of Vala's abs and traveled northward. "Sam," the woman on her back rasped, her eyes half closed, and her brain barely registering that she was speaking. The blonde's hand froze as her slightly bloodshot eyes raised to connect with Vala's. "You sure you want to do this? I. . ." she trailed off as Sam's long fingers brushed one of her nipples through her bra. "Oh god," she breathed, her eyelids sliding the rest of the way down.

"You don't want to take advantage of the drunk?" the woman on top whispered silkily into her companion's ear. Vala managed to nod, although her ability to move was frustrated by the sensations being caused by the fingers that had not stopped their attention on her now completely erect nipples. "Don't worry, I'm a big girl. I won't be mad in the morning," Sam breathed hotly against Vala's ear.

"Men suck," Vala added in a husky, lust laced tone.

Giggling, Sam nodded as her lips landed on Vala's collarbone and nipped playfully. Vala drew in a sharp breath as her hands found their way to Sam's short locks of hair and clamped down gently. "Yes," Sam breathed against Vala's skin, "Yes, they do."

The lead scientist of the SGC woke with a start, a sound ripping its way through her skull and demanding her full attention. Groggily, she brought a hand up to her throbbing head and took a few deep breath before attempting to open her extremely heavy eyelids. Muttering a few curses, she reached over and picked up the offending loud object, her cordless phone, and pressed the talk button. "Hullo?" she managed to get out, her vision clearing only slightly as she listened for a response.

"Did I wake you, Sam?" a familiar voice asked, concern evident in his tone.

Jack. Jack O'Neill, Sam's mind screamed, causing her to wince at the thought. Wait, if Jack was on the phone, whose arm was wrapped tightly around . . . shit. The arm was much thinner and less hairy than that of the man with whom she'd last shared a bed. In fact, she was quite sure the arm didn't belong to a man at all. A groan slipped unwillingly past her lips as the events of the previous night came flooding back to her.

The man on the phone must have thought the noise the woman made was in reference to him, for he responded in a sad tone, "I know I'm probably the last person you want to talk to right now, but I have something to say that I think you might want to hear."

"What's that?" Sam asked groggily into the phone as she shifted slightly in Vala's arms and gazed down at the woman sleeping peacefully beside her. A small smile played over Sam's lips as she leaned over and brushed a few stray hairs away from Vala's delicate features.

"I'm sorry about yesterday. I'm sorry about the last year. I'm sorry about everything, Sam." He sighed loudly into the phone. "What I mean to say is, I'm still in love with you, and I've been an ass about it. But if you still want to give us a try, I would, too."

Stunned, Sam sat on the bed, her eyes moving off the still form of the woman next to her, but not focusing on anything in particular as her hung over mind tried to process what Jack had just confessed. "What was that?" she asked, trying to clear her head by shaking it back and forth slowly.

"I said I'd like to give us a try if you're up for it," Jack replied slowly, a little hesitation evident in his tone. "Are you okay?" he finally asked after a moment's silence.

"No, I'm not okay, sir," Sam answered, the last word merely out of habit. She sighed and shook her head again, switching the phone to her other ear. "Tell you what, Jack," she began, purposely using his first name this time, "Why don't you call me back at another time – sometime when I wasn't out the night before getting smashed because I thought you were rejecting me – yet again." She herself was surprised by her unbridled honestly, but she held her breath despite herself, waiting for his response.

She didn't have to wait long. "I'm sorry," he replied, sounding truly repentant. "Yeah, I'll . . . I'll call back later," he told her, ending the conversation. She hit the talk button again and placed the phone back on her bedside table.

Sliding back down under the covers, Sam snuggled back into Vala's embrace and pulled the arm tighter around her abdomen. Vala shifted in her sleep, Sam's hair most likely tickling her nose, but otherwise didn't seem aware of the movement. Closing her eyes and leaning back into the warm embrace, Sam didn't fight the fatigue that swept over her. She knew she'd have to make a decision about Jack eventually and probably do some damage control in a big way with him if she wanted to, but right now she didn't care. She merely enjoyed the moment for what it was and fell asleep happy for the first time in over a year.


End file.
